Rejoice & Bloom, Day 1: June 1, 2021


Rejoice & Bloom
Day 1: June 1, 2021


    Today is day one... Rejoice and bloom. Isn't that the plan? To rejoice in the Lord and bloom? But that happens when you are struggling to bloom? 

    That is where I am right now. Telling my heart that my relationship with the parish has little to do with my relationship with Jesus Christ isn't always easy. So much of my relationship with the Lord has been founded in this parish. 

    March of 2018 I accompanied Owen to his first reconciliation. I had insisted on sending Owen to CCD and that he make his sacraments. Joseph didn't have a problem with that, but was confused since I had not really attended mass since we got married (that is another story for another time). I just felt like I was "supposed" to send him there and follow through with the sacraments. 

    That evening Sister Clementia, the Director of Religious Education, came up and made small talk with me. Or so I thought it was small talk. She asked how long it had been since I had been to confession. I thought for a moment, and said "more than twenty years". I was sure she would have a look of shock, and I put my head down. When I looked up, she was smiling at me. She put her hand on my shoulder and asked if I thought maybe it was time. I shrugged, and she told me that there was no pressure, but there were several priests who were there to hear confession and I was welcome if I wished. 

    I sat in a pew while Owen went into the confessional, and I watched him come out and kneel to say his penance. I felt like it was important for him to see me go to confession. There was a priest sitting at the side of the altar that I had never seen before. I walked over and sat down knee to knee with  him. With in minutes I was pouring my heart out, telling him why I stepped away from the church, telling him all of the ways I felt I was failing as a wife, mother, daughter, friend, and Christian. Tears streamed down my face. He was kind and reassuring to me, he told me that God was not nearly as hard on me as I was on myself. He took my hands and we prayed together. I got up, and when I stepped off the altar Sister met me there and hugged me. And her words will forever ring in my heart, "welcome home".

    From that day forward my life was changed. I became involved with the church, I attended mass regularly, and I found myself valuing my personal relationship with the Lord. Around this time I took a regular hour in our parish's adoration chapel. I longed for that hour all week long. It was my time to be still, to talk to Jesus without distraction. I have kept that commitment since September of 2018. (More about this another time, and how I came to decide I NEEDED to commit to an hour of adoration a week).

    Will I be able to bloom someplace else? Can I start to bloom again where I have been? How will I know? I guess that I what I am doing here, right? Working on strengthening that relationship with Jesus Christ, and learning to listen to him with my heart, and let him help me figure all of this out. 

Blessings Always, 
Shaunnessy



 

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