Why is 'Being Still' So Hard?

 Why is 'Being Still' So Hard?

Day 3, June 3, 2021


    Today I am feeling very 'what if-ish?' 

What if I had done this? 
      What if I do this? 
            What if I can change this? 
                What if I can't change this?

    As part of who I am I play the same scenarios over and over in my head. I have done it my entire life. At times it can be nearly crippling, but it is what it is and has always been. 
    
    I think 'being still' is going to be the hardest part of this whole process for me. I am sure I can learn to have forgiveness for what has happened. But the 'what ifs' are going to be a struggle. In my heart I want to be able to hand things over to Jesus. I want to be at peace with how things have played out and move forward with a peaceful heart. But dang it, I am sure I could have made things be different. 

    Hello, I am a control freak! I am aware!! Trust me, I am very aware! Surprises? NO THANK YOU! Someone else drive? I THINK NOT! Fly on an airplane where we can crash to the earth and there is nothing I can do about it? ABSOLUTLY NOT! Let Jesus guide me on where to go next on my journey of faith? Boy, I wanna say yes, but I am struggling with that. 

    What in the world does that say about me that I am trying to control my relationship with the Almighty? I mean geez Louise! I surely cannot be the only one who struggles with this, right? What do I do? "Ok Jesus, I am going to hand this over to you... You tell me where to go next... What to do... any time now... I'm just here waiting on you Lord... Ok, maybe if I just do this one little thing, it will be easier for you to help me..."

    YIKES! Help? Any words of advice from my fellow control freaks who in their hearts want Jesus to help guide them? 

Blessings Always, 
Shaunnessy




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